The good citizens of mother Russia risk their very lives every time they swing into the driver’s seat, with mayhem brewing at every corner. A runaway truck here, a raging pedestrian there, psychotic drivers venting their spleen constantly – it’s enough to make you install a video camera on the dash.
Here in the land of graft and grab, the police can be bought for a finger of vodka or mug of kvass. But the dashcam never lies. It’s the only way to protect yourself from false accusations, which run rampant in the courts. Everyone’s out to make a buck. Everyone lies. Drivers are routinely accused of wrecking someone’s car, or set up by roaming squads of scam artists. Thank goodness for that $50 dashcam.
Don’t kid yourself, the average Russian driver is literally cruising for a bruising. That burly driver in the black Niva will cut you off, brake suddenly, and jump out screaming profanities at you. They’ll punch your car or your face or both, and then screech off into the Russian sunset. And if you don’t have proof, the Russian courts will laugh at you.
That’s why over 1 million Russkies have strapped a dashcam on to their vehicle. Check out YouTube to see why it’s so ridiculously expensive to have car insurance east of Poland. Cars are swerving, on the wrong side of the road (when there is a road), cows fall off trailers, trucks slide down sideways, and cars erupt in spectacular collisions. It’s accompanied by yelling and screaming, squeals and squawks of disbelief, random carnage and raging road warriors.
It’s like D. B. Halicki gone berserk (in his original Gone in Sixty Seconds, 93 cars are destroyed in a 40 minute car chase), but in Cyrillic. Halicki would have applauded the dashcam videos, some of which are just too shocking for YouTube. Never mind, voyeurs can head over to Ru CHP LiveJournal, and view all the Russky mayhem you can stand.
Recently a meteor streaked past the Russian countryside – thanks to all those dashcams, its fiery descent was captured for posterity. Jon Stewart was astounded at the languid reaction of Russian drivers, and dedicated a whole sequence to them. But really, what’s a meteor compared to a slavic Satan coming at you with a careening 18-wheeler?
It almost makes the Don Valley Parking lot seem tame.