Living large in a Tesla S

Written by on February 3, 2014 in Cars and Chicks, Perspectives, Trends - 21 Comments

Krystyna Lagowski TeslaIt started with a call from California. “This is Stone from Tesla,” said the caller. My heart did a triple Salchow. “Are you available for a test drive next week?”

Was I?! I tried to sound cool and professional, and said, “Hmmm. Yes, I believe I have some time on Tuesday.” And booked the appointment, hung up, jumped out of my chair and did a little Polish jig around the apartment. At last – my chance behind the wheel of a Tesla Model S!

A couple of weeks before, I had signed up for a test drive online, but couldn’t believe I’d ever hear back. As if a schmuck like me had any right to even aspire to such delights. I felt like Katie Morowski getting to dance with Hubble Gardner in The Way We Were. Now, the date was set, and I was on!

Driving to Yorkdale, I apologized to my humble Acura. I felt like I was cheating a little bit on my trusted daily driver. After all, it’s not like I was going to dump the Acura for the Tesla. I was just going to sort of have a nooner.

My product specialist, Clyde, was ready to go. Down we went to the underground, where a layer of road grit only made the Tesla look sexier.  Clyde used a fob to unhook the charger from its covert connection under the tail-light. Unlike other electric vehicles, the Tesla cannot be unhooked from a charger without a fob.

Of course, that wasn’t all the fob – which was shaped like a teeny Tesla – could do. It also told the car that we were there, and the car responded by popping out the doorhandles. I mean, it knew we were there. That may have been the result of sophisticated technology, but it felt absolutely bewitching, as if I was being beckoned by a beguiling clairvoyant. Tesla plate

And as soon as I slid behind the driver’s seat, the Tesla was on. That is, the lights, stereo and dashboard were ready for my next command.  The generous touchscreen was as big as my tv, and Clyde showed me how to set up the different modes. There was no satellite radio because, you know, internet.

To set the car into motion, I just had to press the brake. No ignition button, no switch, nothing. It was in Park, and the dashboard lit up so that I could get motoring.

And I must add here, that in addition to its other accolades and honours, the Tesla is the only car that has a special place for a purse. Yes, you read that right. A raised platform in front of  the console, between the seats, can hold a good-sized handbag. For this reason alone, I want to have Elon Musk’s child. Of course, any child of his would have four wheels and go from zero to 100 in four seconds.

Back to business. Clyde warned me that the pickup would be exceptional, and he was dead on. Just driving around the side streets, I found myself seeking out stop signs, just so I’d have an excuse to accelerate. Braking was smooth, not as grabby as some EVs, which can feel like a CRA collection agent. Clyde showed me different braking modes, for standard or low regenerative power. There was even a special “creep” setting, so it would come to a stop with a slight forward motion, which would be handy for rolling into tight parking spaces.

And all this, in complete silence. I couldn’t hear a thing. Just my own heart singing.

Clyde was chatty but not pushy, almost as excited about the car as I was. It’s one of the perks of his job, he told me, to spend all day driving around in this magnificent vehicle. I asked if test drives could get hairy, given the Tesla’s power and performance. But apparently all his customers were well-behaved, although Clyde had a chance or two to take the Tesla around a track himself, and push it. He referred to it as a “Porsche eater,” although to my mind, there’s really no comparison.Tesla insignia

All the time we were driving, the top acre of the enormous touchscreen  was on navi, so we could keep an eye on the traffic. The bottom acre was a rear view camera, so I could see the traffic behind me at a glance

As we went onto the Allen Expressway, I put the pedal to the metal. The Tesla charged ahead, pushing me back into my seat with breathtaking, multiple g-forces. Changing lanes was ridiculously easy with the high torque.  The speedometer not only showed how fast I was  going, but how much power I was using as I accelerated and decelerated.

We turned on the stereo and the Moonlight Sonata rang out sweetly and clearly – I could hear the pianist breathing.

Finally, we headed back to Yorkdale, and I pulled into the Tesla parking spot. As I went into reverse, the mirrors adjusted down, so I could see where I was going. And to put the lovely creature into park, I only needed to push a small button at the end of the stalk.

Clyde showed me a few financing options, and I walked through the choices. I had built a $102,000 vehicle. Not to be overlooked, the government would reimburse me $8,500. Sure I could get me a Tesla Model S – but I’d have to live in it, and develop a taste for Kraft dinner. Just how badly did I want this car?

Insurance, I found out, would be cheap. The Tesla has received the best safety ratings of any car on the planet, and is virtually impossible to steal. The technology is completely proprietary and can’t be hacked. The only way to steal a Tesla is to steal the fob.

I told Clyde I would take the suggestions under consideration. Really, there was so much to think about.

And I bought a lottery ticket on my way out.

Krystyna Lagowski Tesla




21 Comments on "Living large in a Tesla S"

  1. Beth Niebuhr February 4, 2014 at 9:01 am · Reply

    Ooooh. How cool to test drive a Tesla. Your description made me feel as if I were there. Years ago I loved (and owned) a Jaguar XKE and I still remember the test drive.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:44 am · Reply

      That Jaguar XKE is quite the machine. You’re very fortunate to have owned one, they’re one of my favourite cars. I totally adore the Tesla, and I’m glad you felt like you were along for the ride : ))

  2. Debra Yearwood February 4, 2014 at 1:04 pm · Reply

    Let me start by saying that Krystyna, you get the best phone calls. What fun driving around in the Tesla S, though I have to admit, I might have wanted to go out on my own, even for a little while. As to the purse holder, as I sit and wipe the salt stains off of my vintage hand bag, I wish all car makers would clue into the fact that women carry purses.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:43 am · Reply

      Debra, I believe that due to insurance issues, there needs to be a salesperson in the car when you’re test driving. With the Tesla, I needed someone there just to explain everything! It’s like nothing I’ve ever driven before. And yes, the spot for the purse is definitely a plus. Yet I’ve read so many reviews of the Tesla, and it’s never mentioned. Hm.

  3. Christine Peets February 4, 2014 at 5:50 pm · Reply

    Great story, Krystyna. I love your style–and yes we were along with you for the ride. You are already one lucky woman, so maybe that lottery ticket will pay off. Can I come for a ride in your new Tesla?

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:41 am · Reply

      Why, thanks, Christine! While this lotto ticket didn’t pan out, I’ll keep on trying. And when I do get me a Tesla, there will be rides for everyone – you can count on it!

  4. Christine @thetraveloguer February 4, 2014 at 8:43 pm · Reply

    Really enjoyable read Krystyna! Your passion for the car really came through. I’m glad you got to test drive such a great car, it sounds amazing. I have my fingers crossed that you win the lottery!

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:40 am · Reply

      Thanks, Christine! I just adore these cars, they’re the best of all possible worlds. Eco-friendly, good looking, and wicked to handle. It was just as mind boggling an experience as I thought it would be.

  5. Susan Cooper February 4, 2014 at 11:26 pm · Reply

    WOW, that is way cool Krystyna. I am so jealous. That must have been some experience. I think I would have felt the same and bought a lottery ticket too. I want to test drive one of these beauties… SIGH! Maybe someday. 🙂

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:38 am · Reply

      Well, Susan, I didn’t win the lottery, but that’s not going to stop me from trying again. Luckily, it doesn’t cost anything to test drive. Sigh. A girl can dream!

  6. Jeri February 5, 2014 at 12:54 am · Reply

    Sweet 🙂 I know I’ve probably mentioned it before, but you get to do some of the coolest things. On a recent test drive of a Jeep Cherokee, I was much more into the plum purple Challenger with white stripes that was sitting in the show room. Cars never get old for me.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:38 am · Reply

      Thanks, Jeri! Isn’t it funny how cars can seduce us? Even when we swear we’re going to be practical, along comes some cool beauty that turns our heads. Yeah, cars are too much fun …

  7. Jacqueline Gum (Jacquie) February 5, 2014 at 12:25 pm · Reply

    WOW! Just too cool for words! Thanks for taking me along on that ride!!! I’ve not seen one Tesla in SC…hahahaha! If Kraft dinners aren’t your style, maybe you could try some Ramen noodles 🙂 I’m happy not to be tested, after reading this.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:35 am · Reply

      Now Ramen noodles … hmmm. That would be a nice alternative to Kraft dinner. And perhaps that touch of the exotic would be more in keeping with the Tesla image. If you haven’t seen a Tesla yet, you will soon. They’re selling quite well, and are one of the top ten brands in the U.S.

  8. Suzanne Fluhr February 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm · Reply

    If the bean counters at Tesla were smart, they’d provide you with a new Tesla S and let you start a blog for it. It could be a Tesla diary written in your —or the car’s —- voice. I only tolerate cars because I occasionally have to use one to get from point A to point B, but I really enjoyed this description of your Tesla experience.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:33 am · Reply

      Aw, thanks, Suzanne. I’d love to have my own Tesla and even more, a Tesla blog. I’m especially tickled that you enjoyed the post, even though you’re not a car person. : ))

  9. Bindhurani February 6, 2014 at 7:12 pm · Reply

    It makes me feel like I have a ride with you.

    • Krystyna Lagowski February 7, 2014 at 3:30 am · Reply

      Thanks, Bindhurani! I always love to have company in the car, makes the trip so much more pleasurable – whether for real, or just virtual : ))

  10. Niekka McDonald February 7, 2014 at 5:47 pm · Reply

    Ooh I am so jealous! A few friends and I have been looking at this car and wanting to drive it. Reading your post made me want to drive it even more!

  11. Becc February 10, 2014 at 4:20 am · Reply

    I’m still laughing about you wanting to have his child due to creating a space for a good sized handbag!!
    This car sounds amazing and very cool.

  12. Krystle Cook February 10, 2014 at 12:45 pm · Reply

    Wow. NICE! Hubby would love to test drive that or any fancy car of that caliber. Totally didn’t expect that to be a safe car but glad to hear it is.

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